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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25181182">growing up (guess you're my better half)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stopthewater/pseuds/stopthewater'>stopthewater</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(it would be slow burn if i wrote it properly but i didnt), Alternate Universe - Royalty, Drabble, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:21:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25181182</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stopthewater/pseuds/stopthewater</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I live in your servitude, your highness," Mark says, voice carrying through the silent hall.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mark Fischbach/Sean McLoughlin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>growing up (guess you're my better half)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is a random hodge podge of different snippets. they aren't in order though im not sure why, enjoy reading!</p><p>tw slight racism</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>nineteen (present)</b>
</p><p>"I live in your servitude, your highness," Mark says, voice carrying through the silent hall. Maybe if Jack did not know him, he should think he sounded stoic, calm and collected as their court's most noble squire. Jack does know him, however, and hears the warmth in his tone, . Mark is kneeling in front of him, face turned to the floor, yet Jack can still feel the sparkle in his eyes.</p><p>"You may rise, Lord Fischbach," he says, trying his hardest not to let a smile grace his features. "This court thanks you for your servitude." </p><p>Out of the very corner of his eye, he can see Felix smirking at him from the very corner of the hall, hidden from the eyes of the court tucked behind a pillar. Mark's knighting is not an event that a lowly page is allowed to attend, but together, the three of them have become rather talented at sneaking each other around. </p><p>
  <b>sixteen</b>
</p><p>"Jack?" Mark calls, not looking up from his sketchpad. "Is that you?"</p><p>"You would do well to remember your place, <b>boy</b>,"  Lord Arrolly snarls, standing over where Mark isresting against the hollow tree trunk. "You will address your superiors with respect." Immediately, Mark scrambles to his feet, bowing his head. Technically, he does need to be more careful when speaking, so Jack is considering saying nothing, but the grin stretched across his Lord's teeth is twisted and cold. "To this day I remain shocked that people of your colour are allowed to hold standing in this court, even as a lowly squire."</p><p>Mark's head snaps up - it is not the first time something like this has been said to him, and it hurts Jack to think it may not be the last - yet he manages to maintain his composure. His Lord's smile becomes even more disconcerting, clearly amused at having put Mark in his place, but it made something uncomfortable rear in his stomach. </p><p>"My Lord, I ask that you will excuse my squire's informality," Jack interrupts, ignoring the way Mark's eyes flash in warning. Lord Arrolly has something of a reputation for being rude and outspoken to those beneath him, and one is said to be asking for trouble if they attempt to challenge it. "In return, I will excuse your blatant offense on the grounds that no such words are repeated."</p><p>It's a move that carries risk with it; if his Lord voices discontent to Jack's mother, she will likely be very displeased. Yet, the masked hurt on Mark's face is still visible, and Jack would say it again if he had to. "Pardon, your Highness? I do not think my intent has come across clearly." Sometimes, Jack hates royalty and nobility, having to dance around being rude to one another while simultaneously seeing who can deliver the lowest blow. It would be incredible just to punch him in the nose. </p><p>"I believe it was crystal clear. The colour of my squire's skin is irrelevant to his person or his value to this court." His Lord opens his mouth to speak but Jack neglects to notice, turning from Mark back to the path they'd originally been walking. "If it so pleases you, we will continue our stroll through the gardens, save my lateness for my afternoon duties." It clearly does not please, his Lord, but he can hardly contest, so with a short bow from Mark they continue back on their stroll.</p><p> </p><p>Later, he finds Mark in his quarters preparing his bath, eyebrows knitted in such heavy thought that he does not note Jack's arrival until he softly closes the door behind him. "Your Highness," he says, a tired smile gracing his lips. "I see you have managed to escape Lord Arrolly's company."</p><p>"Not soon enough," he sighs, slumping down on the bench and patting the space next to him. "He's insisting on another stroll no later than a fortnight's time."</p><p>Mark comes to sit behind him as the water takes its time to boil, shoulder just brushing against Jack's. It's close enough that they can spring apart were someone to interrupt, but Jack is exhausted and melancholy, so he leans heavily into Mark's side with his head resting on the other man's shoulder. "What could you possibly have to talk about?" Tentatively, he wraps his arm around Jack's shoulders. He's always more gentle, more cautious than Jack even wants to be, almost as if he's afraid of something. </p><p>"His estates, his wise past and pompous manner. The unfortunate passing of his wife Lady Kathryne, bless her soul, and his desperation to escape being widowed." Mark's fingers tense on his shoulders but he does not speak, just nods for Jack to continue. "Don't fret. Regardless of his wishes, he is much too old for me. My mother has her heart is set on my marriage to a woman. Besides, while she may be desperate for me to begin courtship, she is not desperate enough to see past his slimy desperation."</p><p>"I should hope so."</p><p>"Do you wish me all to yourself?" he teases, giggling when Mark pokes at his side. "How selfish."</p><p>"Believe what you wish," Mark sighs, but even as he turns away Jack can see the grin he tries to hide and that fluttering sensation surfaces once more in his chest. "You distract me from my duties."</p><p>"Your duties are to care for <em>me</em>," he laughs, watching as Mark takes the bucket of water with ease. Even through his cloth overshirt, Jack can see the way his arms strain against the fabric, strong muscle that he both is envious of and enthralled by. "Such as bathing me."</p><p>"You can bathe yourself, you foul creature." Jack follows willingly, knowing that Mark will still scrub his shoulders. </p><p>
  <b>nineteen</b>
</p><p>"This is, I think, might be your cleverest idea thus far," Jack decides from where he's lazing in the field, fingers idly dragging through the soft grass by his head. </p><p>"I would argue it's the only clever idea he's had," Mark says, somewhere over to Jack's right where he's knocking another arrow into his bow.  Felix scoffs at this, throwing his pencil toward Mark's head. "Go on, then. Name another."</p><p>"I would rather knock you off your pedestal with my fist," he retorts, catching the pencil when Mark throws it back. Silence hangs in the air for a small amount of time, as Jack is more than content in the sun, but Felix is clearly too restless for this. "Ugh. This is- not difficult, but-"</p><p>"But you are asking for help anyway?" Mark taunts, laughing when Felix throws the note book at him as well. "I mean no offence. God knows how long it took me to take a grasp of it."</p><p>"And even now, your hand writing is still atrocious," Jack yawns, sitting up with great effort. "I, your valiant prince, will coach you."</p><p>"Get off your high horse," he says, but he turns back towards him anyway. "I declare myself unable to be coached." Jack just rolls his eyes at this and gestures for Mark to throw the notebook, laying it out in front of them. They spend the afternoon like that, tucked behind the hill far away from prying eyes. </p><p>Jack's mother had insisted he was spending too much time with Mark. Being the youngest sibling, he can afford to get away with the most, as it's the least likely he would have to take the throne, but as he approaches the ripe old age of nineteen, she is becoming increasingly impatient. Squires are very important for a prince, but once they reach adulthood there is much less of a need for them to spend so much time together. So, Felix (who has spent the years as a disgruntled kitchen assistant who always had to sneak out if he wanted to see them) decided that with enough convincing, Mark could be knighted.</p><p>See, Jack is kind of alright at being a prince. He's charismatic and friendly but prides himself in his diplomacy - overall, he's well liked around their kingdom and among wider nobility. Allison is everyone's sweetheart, so he's not the favourite, but Malcom is a grumpy shit so he's definitely much more liked. The only thing he's sorely lacking in is swordsmanship - when he was fourteen it was much more favourable to skip his swordsmanship lessons and run through the streams with Mark and Felix. With Mark knighted, he rises higher in nobility; meaning that one, it is less offensive to be seen with Jack constantly and two, he can become Jack's swordmanship tutor. Right now they're supposed to be hunting - instead, Jack is attempting to teach Felix the alphabet while Mark picks off fowls from the branches with his bow.</p><p>With his squire effectively promoted, Jack couldn't exactly angle for a new one, <em>but</em> he can argue the need for another page. And well, if he finds it in his kind heart to spend his days teaching this page to read and write, that's even better. </p><p>It works, because Felix is clever and Mark is a good teacher. They only began today and Felix is learning like a duck to water- this leaves much more time for them to hide in trees or Jack's bedroom and do nothing. </p><p>"Want to try your first rabbit of the day?" Mark calls, holding the bow out to him. "Prove to your mother that I'm worth your time."</p><p>"If you insist," he sighs, eyeing the bow warily. Jack isn't necessarily a bad shot, but he's never been fond of hunting. It feeds him, so he can't contest it, but something feels wrong about it. "Show me your ways, o' wise one."</p><p>"There's a hare resting in the grass, see? Just past that rock." Jack nods, taking Mark's bow in unsure hands. "Stand to the side- here, like this. Lay your weight evenly between your feet. When you raise the bow, you want your elbow to draw along your ear- not that close, you'll skin your ear. I-" Mark sighs, but when Jack peeks out of the corner of his eye he's still smiling. Jack likes this smile, the one where Mark thinks he can't see. "Let me show you." </p><p>Before Jack can protest, Mark is pressed up behind him, fingers closing over his own around the wooden handle. "Hold it up here," he murmurs, guiding Jack's left hand up and curling around his other hand around the fingers holding the string. "Lock your elbow and then pull back until your shoulders are straight." Mark's firm grip is the only reason he hasn't dropped the bow- why his skin is tingling so much, he is unsure, but every time Mark's breath brushes against his ear it undoes him. </p><p>Sometimes, he understands why his mother questions their friendship. </p><p>"You have it," Mark encourages, resting his head against Jack's cheek for a second before stepping back. "Try."</p><p>Jack takes a deep breath and pushes all thoughts of Mark's fingers around his out of his mind. The arrow thunks against a tree trunk above the rabbit's head and the animal scurries away, disappearing into the underbrush. "Seems I am simply too untalented."</p><p>Mark tilts his head, almost as if in disbelief, but he takes the bow back anyway. "You take me for a fool?"</p><p>"No," Jack frowns, reaching to touch his forearm. "Why would you ask?"</p><p>"You think I can't tell you missed on purpose?" Jack drops his gaze, instead examining the grass at their feet. "I can hardly hold it against you when you look like that." Mark's voice is soft and soaked with fondness, still smiling when Jack meets his eyes. "Maybe we can leave it for another day."</p><p>"I want to try," Felix calls from his place in the grass, jarring the moment. Mark drops his gaze and shrugs, holding his bow out. "Are you going to hold me like you held Jack?"</p><p>"I have had enough of you," he glowers, but when Jack tries to meet his eye he's smiling.</p><p>
  <b>age fifteen.</b>
</p><p>"Sweetheart," his mother sighs, dropping his face from her hands. They've been talking for about ten minutes now, which is a strange amount considering how many duties she is normally preoccupied with. "Do you truly not understand what I'm trying to say?"</p><p>"No," he repeats, the same bored confession he has been giving her since they begun speaking. "Mark is my friend."</p><p>"Yes, my love, I <em>know</em>- I just- the way that you act around one another may be dissuading potential courting opportunities. You are approaching the age where you need to prepare for possible encounters." Jack knows this, he's had this conversation with pretty much every male family member he is. Because he's a prince, unless he finds a princess of interest then all potential wives must inform <em>him</em> of their interest, so he's been pretty content with sitting back and hoping nobody would show any interest. "If someone announces their interest in you, I think it would be best for you to spend less time with Mark."</p><p>"What does my relationship with my squire have to do with whether I marry or not?"</p><p>"You <em>will</em> marry," she insists, not unkindly. "Susie told me of talk surrounding the exact nature of your relationship with your squire- I am, I am <em>concerned</em> that it may damage any chances of-"</p><p>"You have to be joking," Jack interrupts, putting his teacup down perhaps slightly too heavily. "Tell me that you are." When she just stares at him in confusion he laughs, even though it feels as if he's been punched in the gut. "You have more concern for- for fruitless rumours surrounding my personal life than- did you ever think of asking if I am ready to marry? If I even want to marry a woman at all?"</p><p>"<em>Seán, </em>don't be <em>abhorrent. </em>You don't mean that. That isn't an option," his mother gapes, but he doesn't want to hear her disbelief so he stands, still reeling from surprise at his own words. Before she can demand he sits back down the door is already shut behind him. The halls are bustling with people so he forces a strong face, nodding at those who stop to bow but stopping for nothing. The second he reaches the edge of the gardens he's breaking into a sprint, stumbling over branches as the thicket becomes more overgrown but carrying on no matter how many times he comes close to falling. </p><p>Jack runs until his breath comes in dry gasps and he drops to his knees, half-collapsing in the thick grass. At what point his gasps turn into sobs, he's unsure, but after a while he's hugging his knees and trying not to vomit up his breakfast, choking on his breaths as he tries to come to terms with what just happened. Abhorrent? </p><p>Even as a younger boy, Jack knew he never, ever wanted to marry a woman - exactly when he realised that was because of how he felt about men, he doesn't remember - and nothing is different now. As the youngest child, he assumed that one day, he would be able to carry on his life away from the public eye, spend the rest of it doing nothing at all with Mark. </p><p>It's one thing to think his family would be ashamed of him. It's another to know they're disgusted.</p><p>How long he sits there, Jack's not sure; long enough for the sun to pass over his head and begin lazily sinking into the horizon, and long enough for him to run out of energy to keep crying.  At noon he had agreed to sit in on a council session with his father and a nobleman, and he will definitely be furious that Jack was nowhere to be found. His tutor, who he was supposed to meet mid-afternoon, will also likely not be amused. </p><p>"<em>Jack</em>?" he hears from somewhere deep in the bushes. He knows it's Mark before he recognises the sound of his own name. Suddenly embarrassed by his state, Jack tucks his knees closer to his chest and tries to make very little noise. Though, when he thinks about it, he should have known Mark would find him eventually. "Jack," he sighs, voice full of warmth. For some reason, Jack thinks he might cry again. "I looked for you all day."</p><p>"Sorry," Jack whispers, not looking up when Mark kneels down next to him. "We can go back now."</p><p>"Or," Mark says, sitting down in the leaves and tucking an arm around his shoulders, "You could tell me what made you cry."</p><p>Such a blunt approach is unexpected enough that a soft laugh bubbles in his throat, forcing him to uncurl himself slightly. "Why? What good would it do?"</p><p>"For starters, I plan to seek out whoever upset you this much and give them a firm talking to."</p><p>"You plan to give her Majesty, the Queen, a firm talking to?"</p><p>Mark shrugs, pulling him a little closer. "If I must." Jack giggles, leaning his head into Mark's neck without meaning to. "Good. I much prefer you smiling." Something spikes in Jack's chest, familiar and terrifying and just for a moment, he considers telling Mark everything.</p><p>He could tell him how his mother's shame is making him feel sick with guilt. How the idea of having to marry someone he could never love terrifies him, how his skin crawls when he thinks about it. How whenever he imagines being truly happy, it's when he's with Mark. </p><p>"I should probably show my face before my father has a heart attack," he sighs, making no effort to move. Mark's hand is warm through the thin cotton of his shirt and he feels safe, at ease other than the way his heart stutters every time Mark's breath dusts over his hair. "Should we make our way home?"</p><p>"I will go wherever you take me," Mark says, as if it's the easiest thing in the world. Not for the first time, Jack wants to kiss him. </p><p> </p><p>Later, when Jack's father dismisses Mark to presumably spend the evening lecturing about responsibilities, Mark pulls out his most charming smile and spins a tale about how he's <em>so lucky</em> to be walking in the gardens and <em>discover</em> Jack experiencing a faint spell. It's not the most believable story, but Mark has a certain way of speaking that most people are too enthralled by to question, and Jack leaves for bed relatively unscathed.</p><p>He doesn't sleep, though. He thinks about Mark.</p><p>
  <b>seventeen</b>
</p><p>"What're you going to do when your mother finds someone for you to marry?" Felix slurs from his slumped position at the windowsill. Jack pretends not to hear him, mostly due to the incessant spinning in his head whenever moves from the copious amount of ale they have consumed. "Jack. <em>Jaack.</em>"</p><p>"Mmh. What d'you mean?"</p><p>"I mean. I mean, what'll Mark do?"</p><p>This has Jack shoot up into a sitting position, hoping the room will stop dancing around his vision so that he can have an actual conversation with Felix. "Fe- what."</p><p>"<em>You</em> heard me, Jack-y. You clearly love each other. Wha's he gonna do when you have to marry some random woman."</p><p>Is he going to be sick? Why did hearing that make him feel ten times more intoxicated? "Mark does not <em>love</em> me," he insists, wishing his voice didn't break with his words, "Not in that way." Felix giggles, hiccuping and nearly choking as if Jack's just said something stupid. "I don't know why that's amusin' t'you." Mark doesn't love Jack. For all of the touches they share, Mark's always the first to move away, the first to break eye contact, the first to pull an excuse from nowhere and disappear right when it feels like something is on the brink of happening. </p><p>"Dear Jack, it is clear to me and everyone else within this kingdom's vicinity that Mark is and will only <em>ever</em> be sweet for you."</p><p>"Why doesn't he <em>say</em> anything, then?" Jack blurts out before he can stop himself, begging that Felix is too beyond awareness to hear the seriousness in his tone. </p><p>Thankfully, he seems half-asleep anyway, eyes blinking closed when he turns to face Jack. "Don't know. Why don'tcha ask him?"</p><p>"Good idea," he retorts, letting the room fall into an uneasy silence. Tomorrow, Mark will help him carry Felix back to the kitchen's quarters before anybody finds him somewhere he is not supposed to be. They'll probably lean too close into one another and joke at Felix's expense, and Jack won't say anything about the conversation with him last night.</p><p>
  <b>eighteen.</b>
</p><p>"-yes, but- well, what do you think, Seán?" Susan's voice cuts into the side of his head, expelling all thoughts of Mark's hand in his as they walked the gardens last night. "Did you see the way he stared across the dinner table?"</p><p>"I saw his eyes fixate on the neckline of your dress," he states, snorting when Simon chokes on his drink. "Slimy excuse for a man."</p><p>"Excuse you!" she squeals, swatting at his elbow but immediately desisting when Malcom glares at her. Allison would normally be at her side, calmly telling him to let her be, but she is busy elsewhere and has left the four of them to try not to squabble. "Maybe he was dazed by his feelin's for me?"</p><p>"Maybe so," he sighs, leaning over the table to look at her properly. "You know you could do better. He would be a waste of you."</p><p>"At least Susie is exploring her options," Malcom says, not looking up from his book but somehow making it clear that his words are directed at Jack. Obviously, anger seethes under his skin and a biting remark is bubbling under his tongue, but before he can snap back there's a familiar knock at the door. "Enter."</p><p>"Your Highnesses," Mark greets as soon as he's through the doorway, bowing his head. Something is off about it immediately, but not enough for anyone else to pick up on it so Jack sits up in his seat and waits for him to carry on speaking. "My sincerest apologies for intruding."</p><p>"You are more than welcome," Susan says with a wink and a soft smile, and something uncomfortable gurgles in his stomach. It's not jealousy- or, it is, but not in the way one would think. Jack isn't jealous of the way she lightly flirts with Mark, because both of them are completely aware that it's not serious. Mark is a highly valued squire to Jack, of course, but he's not of royal descent and nowhere near worthy of marriage to a princess (at least, according to everyone around them.) Jack is jealous because Susie can admit she finds Mark attractive and flirt all she likes and nothing will come from it. Jack is jealous because he's never loved anything more than he loves Mark, and here he is watching his sister be allowed to show interest she doesn't even have.</p><p>"Thank you, Your Highness. I came to remind Jack of his fencing session- I fear we shall be late if time continues any further."</p><p>"Shit," Jack says, and then, "<em>Hey</em>," as Malcom clips him up the ear. It takes a few seconds of rushing to stand before he remembers that he doesn't actually have a fencing lesson today, but there's still urgency in Mark's eyes when he looks over so he carries on regardless. "I will see you all at dinner, unfortunately," he sighs, squeezing Susan's hand when she holds it out to him. He'd never tell, but she's his favourite by far. </p><p>"Good riddance," Malcom sighs. After a moment of careful consideration, Jack pelts him over the head with an embroidered cushion and scrambles out of the room before anything else can happen. </p><p>Together they walk in silence, which isn't necessarily unsettling; even if Mark just wanted to see him, expressing this within the confines of the castle walls would be a bad idea. Thankfully, they don't pass anyone they have to stop for, and it only takes them five minutes to reach the garden. Jack's grandmother had a strange love of nature; enough so that there are thick bushes and trees surrounding the entire garden. They're well-kept but if you're careful, you can squeeze past the trunks without disturbing them and hide away from the nearby path. Jack takes Mark's hand to make sure the leaves don't separate them, but his fingers are cold and he doesn't squeeze Jack's hand like normal. </p><p>"What happened, Mark?" he asks as soon as they stop walking, dropping his hand when he doesn't respond. "Mark."</p><p>"Your sister's lady-in-waiting has asked for my hand in marriage."</p><p>Jack opens his mouth but no response comes out. He thinks he might be sick. After what feels like forever of staring at Mark staring at the floor, his throat finally unsticks and he manages to say, "What?"</p><p>"Her father sent a letter to my mother. Lord Piccathly. He says his daughter is the perfect wife for me. I would have a different- a different position, elsewhere in the court. Maybe lead the royal hunting expeditions."</p><p>"What about me?"</p><p>Mark lets out a breath and the shakiness catches him off guard completely. In all of their years together, Mark has never been one to cry. His temper is certainly present - though nothing compared to Jack's - but unlike Jack he rarely becomes upset. The only time he's ever cried in front of Jack was after his father had died. He's not crying now, but he seems close to it, and something in Jack's chest feels like it might break. </p><p>Without warning, Jack grabs his arm and pulls him close, tucking himself in his arms. "My darling Jack," he murmurs, stroking his fingers through his hair. "What can I do? He will take offense if I say no-"</p><p>"Who cares what he thinks? You've only met him once, what will he do?"</p><p>"I already said no," Mark breathes out and Jack freezes, because instead of sounding relieved those words sound terrified, as if his no wasn't taken as an answer. "I told him no. He asked if it had anything to do with the <em>distasteful</em> rumours surrounding you and I. With the nature of our relationship." Mark swallows and lets go, standing back so he can look at Jack. "He said that if I declined that would confirm that there was something inappropriate between us."</p><p>"Bastard," he hisses, because regardless of Jack's secret affections for Mark, this would still be undoubtedly bad. His mother takes these rumours very seriously and would likely ban all interaction with Mark if she heard of this. "What are we to do?"</p><p>"It's best if I do it, maybe," he whispers, not meeting Jack's eyes. "At least that way it won't hurt you at all. He will leave your reputation alone."</p><p>"Won't hurt me at all?" he echoes, because his head hasn't caught up with his ears yet. How can Mark think that? Is it worth telling him now? He could lose everything they have together, but if Mark marries someone else that's arguably even worse. This way, at least, he knows he's tried. If Mark doesn't feel the same, then maybe it's best if he leaves. "Do you truly believe that?"</p><p>Mark turns away, though Jack catches the sight of tears brimming in his eyes before his face is hidden. "Do not," he says quietly, barely loud enough to picked up on. "You don't have to do it."</p><p>"I- what? What are you tryin' to say, love?" Jack keeps his voice soft and steady despite the panic rising in his stomach, reaching out to graze Mark's elbow when he doesn't respond. "Mark, please."</p><p>"I have loved you unconditionally all of these years. I have never asked you for anything because of this. You don't need to give me anything now. I just need you to let me-"</p><p>"By God's bones, Mark, I have no idea what you're tying to say," Jack interrupts, gently turning him around by the shoulder. "What do you think I'm tryin' to give you?"</p><p>"It is no secret how I am in love with you," he sighs, reaching out to touch Jack's cheek. Suddenly, he feels as if Mark has knocked the breath from his lungs because sure, he's happily expressed his love for Jack before, but in the way Felix loves Jack. Not in the way Jack loves Mark. Not <em>in</em> love with Jack like he just said. "You have never looked at me in the light I see you- and I <em>accept</em> that, I could never hold it against you, but I think that it might be best for me to take this opportunity. This woman is willing to marry me when the whole kingdom is aware of my love for <em>you</em>. I think it would be quite hard to find another willing to do that."</p><p>"I-" Jack tries, words closing up in his throat despite how hard he wants them to come out. Mark's taking his silence as agreement and that's the opposite of what he wants, but years of forcing himself not to tell Mark is making it difficult to find the words that work the best. </p><p>"Are you ready to say goodbye?"</p><p>"How can you say that?" is what finally blurts out of his mouth, Mark's hand dropping from his face. "If you truly loved me <em>how</em> could you say that? How could you just leave for someone else?"</p><p>"Jack," he begs, jaw clenched to keep his bottom lip steady. "How could I stay? If I stay I risk your reputation and arguably your family's too- and for what? To spend forever loving you unrequited? I mean-" he says, voice breaking for a second. "I say that like I could ever stop loving you, as if I would ever choose to leave. If this man didn't pose such a serious threat, I would stay by your side for life."</p><p>"What if I have no care for his word? He can say what he likes - nobody will speak against the integrity of our rule-"</p><p>"Jack-" </p><p>"What if I loved you back?"</p><p>This seems to stun Mark enough that he stops trying to interrupt, just shuts his mouth and stares at him with watery eyes. "You- you are <em>everythin'  </em>to me, Mark, I- I-"</p><p>Mark grabs him by the collar, pulls him close and kisses him. His lips are soft and warm against Jack's and he can't help but relax into it, threading his fingers into Mark's hair and pulling him even closer. It's everything he's been waiting for since he was thirteen and wondered what it would be like to hold Mark's hand. When Mark pulls back Jack pushes their foreheads together, unable to help the smile spreading over his face. "I have loved you for <em>just</em> as long," he murmurs, feeling one of Mark's hands slide around his waist. "I just had no plan to tell you."</p><p>"It seems to me that perhaps, if one of us had been open about this, we would have been kissing much sooner."</p><p>"A shame we are both so painfully stubborn," Jack sighs, giggling as he leans in to kiss Mark again.</p><p>"What are we to do about Piccathly?" Mark asks, leaning his head forward to rest on Jack's shoulder. </p><p>"Leave it to me," he insists, pressing kisses along Mark's hair. "I will make it go away."</p><p>"You seem too enthralled with kissing me to do much of anything," Mark says, but when Jack pulls back he's smiling, and when Jack kisses his nose he laughs, much too loud for their hidden place in the bushes. </p><p>"Sorry," Jack says, not feeling very sorry at all. "It feels as if all my birthdays have come at once. Everything I have never been allowed to do is now here."</p><p>"Well." Mark walks towards him, crowding him until he's pressed up against the wooden fence, face inches away from his own. "Why have you stopped kissing me, then?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>nineteen.</b>
</p><p>When Mark started sleeping in his bed, he had to sacrifice any semblance of sleeping in for the morning, but it is worth it from the very first time it happens. Mark always wakes up first, used to having to get up before Jack and ready everything before the day starts. It's Jack's favourite part of the day, waking up with Mark. </p><p>On this particular morning, Jack wakes up to Mark pressing kisses along his shoulderblades, mouth warm in the cool air of his bedroom. They probably only have a few minutes before Mark has to leave, so Jack plans to make the most of it, arching his back slowly into the kisses until Mark laughs. "Good morning to you too, darling," he says, snaking his hands around Jack's waist and burying his face in his neck. "How did you sleep?"</p><p>"Wonderfully," he yawns, letting Mark manouver his boneless body until he's lying on his back, facing up at the other man. Mark's hair is mussed with sleep and there are soft crinkles by his eyes as he smiles down at Jack. "And you?"</p><p>"Every night I sleep by your side is better than the last." Mark's skin is soft and warm against his as he leans down to kiss him, his bare chest a comfortable weight against Jack's. "Though I must confess I let you sleep longer than I should have. You looked so beautiful sleeping against my chest, I couldn't bring myself to wake you." </p><p>"We will have to stay in bed longer," Jack sighs, as if that could ever possibly be an issue. "I think you should kiss me again."</p><p>"I can hardly say no to such a request," he says, leaning down once more with a smile. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>let me know what you thought!!! kudos or comments are hugely appreciated!<br/>check out my other fics!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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